At a recent writing workshop with Michael Bracken, he said that long internal monologues are deadly.
That threw me a little. I have been trying to write close third person point-of-view (POV), where the reader really rides in the POV person’s head. Think what they think, feel what they feel. Have the POV feelings, thoughts, reactions. I believe that is good. I believe what Michael meant was writing like this:
John looked at the cheerleader and thought, She is looking at me. But was she looking at me? The real me? Did she see the brilliant, superior, future one-percenter, new breed of humanity who is the only perfect guy for her standing right in front of her who just complemented her on her makeup? Surely she could see past the pit-stains on my Batman t-shirt, and my uneven beard stubble (which is uneven because when I shave I am distracted…
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