That’s how I wrote the past two episodes in my head and my notebook…. You forgive me; right? Please say you do.
Abeokuta is often confused for being geographically sizable because people clump its neighbouring towns with it. But it is actually a small town. A really very small town. If you’ve never lived in a small town, there are some things you probably take for granted:
- Everyone minds their business
- Everyone is in too much of a hurry to ‘small talk’
- The place is too big for people to know other people’s businesses
In small towns, such as Abeokuta, these rules don’t apply. Matter of fact, people make it their business to discuss other people’s businesses. You don’t believe me? Here’s how I found out; just last week.
I was at a residential training, multi-tasking listening and chatting. It was against the rules to use gadgets during classes, but my hands were under the table, serial tweeting. I had gotten really good at chatting while looking straight at the presenter and stealing glances at my phone- thank God for touchscreen phones and typewriting classes. I was particularly enjoying Trillary (Trump/Hillary) tweets when the man two seats away tapped my shoulder insistently. I looked at him, wondering if I had gotten too engrossed with my phone and missed something that required my attention at the training. Then:
Man: *excited* “This is an extension worker. He has the experience of speaking with farmers”
Me: *puzzled* “You tapped me?”
Man: *grins. leans closer* “His first wife left him because he did not have money. They say that even while they were married she was seeing a politician who was giving her all the money she was using to buy things in the house. When she got pregnant for the politician, she left him.”
*uses nose to point in the direction of the man making a presentation in front of the class*
“As we heard, the man could not take the shame. That was when he went to the village. He became the head of farmers there. During Gbenga Daniels’ tenure he was made an extension worker, because he is educated and other farmers trust whatever he says. We also heard that he is not really a man”
Me: *quirks head at the interesting possibility that the speaker is a cross dresser or of some other uncustomary sexual preference*
Man: *voice drops decibels lower. Eyes glisten as one revealing a scandalous detail* He cannot do! His ‘kini’ is scared of women! They said that’s how he knew his wife was adulterous. But that his wife enh… Women are evil! She got pregnant for someone when her husband could not even do! They said the woman now…
Me: *jaw drops as the tale of another person’s life becomes hydra-headed* They’ll fine us for side-talking Sir
So, if you ever visit Abeokuta -or any other small town for that matter- know to hide your business like gold. And, of course, tell me thank you for forewarning you.
P.S: ‘kini’ is euphemism for ‘penis’