Body Diary: Between Me and Hungry Me

11:32 a.m
Hungry me: “We need food”
Me: “I had breakfast”
*Stretches left hand into bag to fetch bananas*
12:59 p.m
Hungry me: “Hungry. Again.”
Me: “I just fed you”
Hungry me: “Two bananas. Two. Bloody. Bananas!”
Me: “Shouting is rude. Especially in someone’s head.”
“No food. Go learn some manners.”
Hungry me: “Thunder fire you!”
Hungry me: “Stomach is biting. Foood”
Me: “Nah; would ruin vibe. Music and report are dope right now”
Hungry me: “What’s the thing you have against belching and co in public?”
Me: “Image management. Those are rude. Not ‘me’”
Hungry me: “Okay. You should skip the next song.”
Me: “Why?”
Hungry me: “R. Kelly croons licking the middle of orioles in it”
Me: “But that’s not what the lyrics really mean. It’s metaphor for…”
Hungry me: *cuts in*
“R.Kelly is responsible for what he says. I for what I understand.”
Me: *face falls*
“That’s my best song on the album”
Hungry me: “If that song plays, I’m going to purr.”
Me: “I’m at work. An office. With other people.”
Hungry me: “Low. Sexy. Hungry. Rumble. Purr.”
Me: *frowns; thoughtful* Why’s that causing tingles down my spine? *bites lower lip*
“I’ve given my life to Jesus.”
Hungry me: “Hunh hunh.”
Me: *Gets up to get food*
#Blackmail #BodyDiary #Hunger #Worktales

#BodyDiary: Twerkscapade

21:18 hrs
Dupe and Dami are lounging in bed; gisting about the months that have passed. Dami talks about how somebody twerked somewhere and it was rave.
Dupe: *refelective* “But you know that thing is a disgrace. I don’t know how to twerk”
Dami: “Me sef. And it was the rave that year”
Dupe: “Someone should not even just go somewhere and the dance code is twerk”
Dami: “Aah! Akoba niyen ke! How do they even twerk sef?”
Dupe: “Bumbum goes one way; bounces. I think”
*Dami stands up, does some awkward body movement that’s better left unremembered*
Dupe: “Hian! Wait. I have data. Let’s just check YouTube for how to do the darn thing. Matter of fact, that’s what we’re learning this weekend”
*Dupe connects internet, types in “how to twerk” on YouTube, looks at Dami, and they choose a video*
Lady in video: “…so you put your hands on your waist….”
*Dupe starts laughing when she notes that herself and Dami did as instructed immediately, while sitting on the bed*
Dupe: *Let’s get up and do the thing well jhor”
Dami: “Make it full screen jhor”
*The two girls stand in front of the full-length mirror, grinning*
21:27 hrs
Dami: “Heeey! My laps are aching. Chai”
Dupe: *panting* “Beht who created ‘twerk’; enh?” *hisses* “We must sha get it this night”
Dami: “Our bumbum is not shaking”
Lady in video: “…you can take your hands off your waist and just…”
Dupe: “Henh?! Take… take…” *loses words* “Ayam nor do again. I cannor now come and go and die away”
#SomebodyShuuComeTeachUsTwerk #UnshakingButt #LazyGirls #AchingThighs

Body Diary: Episode 1

1:02 a.m

Power is restored. Dupe wants to pee but sits on rug, and lifts laptop instead. Says to self:

“Let’s work before power goes out”

2:16 a.m

Dupe gets thirsty. Drinks a 50cl sachet of water. Thinks: I really should go pee

2:33 a.m

Stomach begins to hurt. But Dupe is writing now. Coaxes self:

“Lemme complete this paragraph. We’ll pee in a tad”

*idly reaches for another 50cl sachet of water*

3:08 a.m

Stomach feels distended. Dupe drops laptop; tries to move a leg and yelps. Butt has cramped. Lifting legs through pins and needles with hurting stomach, while maintaining bladder control, becomes a struggle. Asks:

“God why?”

#‎SmallButtLife‬ ‪#‎PeeTales #BodyDiary